Sunday, October 21, 2012

Long time, no chatter...

I can't believe my last post was the beginning of July.

Actually, I can. It's not at all unlike me to go off the grid when things get hard, or to get tunnel vision when starting something new. I feel like years have gone by since we've moved to Amarillo and I've begun my new job, but it's only been 6 short months.

Work first, and then life.

Work is wonderful. I'm learning more every day, and watching my whole life be transformed along the way. I love the coffee industry the deeper I get into it. More and more, God is putting people in my life through this job that are encouraging, challenging and inspiring. I'm blessed.

This job is challenging me as an employee, an employer, a Christian, a wife...as a person. I feel like I've been forced to grow up in the past 6 months. When I think back to how I used to consider myself abnormally mature for my age and not at all like the other 21 year olds I knew, I cannot help but cringe. Sheesh. I can't believe I was so arrogant. Someone should have smacked me.

This job is hard. And I didn't want to tell anyone that. If I told someone that my job was really hard, that it was really hard being away from all my friends and family, I wasn't as impressive as I wanted everyone to think I was. I was scared, overwhelmed, bitter, and bringing it all home with me at the end of the day. I learned quickly that I didn't know a lot, and that many of my answers at work were going to have to be "I'm not sure, but I can get that information for you", and then find someone to teach me how to get that information. I had to ask for help, despite knowing that my face would burn hot and bright red, giving away that I was completely embarrassed to have to ask for anything. For the first time in my life, I've had to be completely independent. At work I'm on my own. I travel on my own, I work on my own, and I have to own my choices and decisions. If something goes wrong, it's on me. If something goes right, I usually don't know why it did. It's hard.

Around September I finally had my "what-am-I doing" meltdown. The job was wearing on me- all the traveling, all the responsibility. I wasn't managing my time well, and living appointment-to-appointment, plane-ride to plane-ride is impossible. And while I went in to this job over confident, assuming that I of course could transition from managing 1 cafe to managing 75 without any hiccups, I crumbled awfully fast. I wish I had crumbled sooner. Life would have been so easier!

Since then, things have been a little easier. I've been slowly learning how to disengage from work mode when I get home, making sure that my husband knows he is the head of the household. At first it was so hard to come home from a day of being the "boss" and making all the decisions and bossing people around and then completely switch gears. I didn't realize that toll it was taking on my marriage for me to not let my husband make decisions or be able to take care of me, and I didn't even realize I was doing it. Life is so much easier when my marriage works the way God designed it to. Ryan shares the burden, takes care of me and shoulders so much of the responsibility. Without complaining. He makes me dinner, cleans the house and takes care of the finances. He does more than he should. I'm so thankful for him.  

I've found that work is easier when I ask questions. When I stop demanding to do everything on my own so I can receive all the praise. I shouldn't have this job in the first place with my nonexistent credentials, what on earth makes me think I deserve any kind of praise? I do believe that God gave us this opportunity for a reason, and in my craze to be the best at my job, I completely lost sight of that. We're in Amarillo for some reason other than work. I'm not here just to be successful in my job, I'm here for a bigger purpose. And it's time I shifted my focus back to that. Back to the people I can love here and reach out to. To the lady who sits on the other side of my wall who just went through a horrible break-up after being with her partner for 10 years. To the younger girl a couple desks down who moved here to be with her fiance and is  hundreds of miles from her family. To my boss, whose wife suffered a stroke last week and still has not regained full use of the right side of her body. My bitterness, arrogance and ill-intended snark is not helping them. Is not showing them love. It's time to remember why we're here.



Saturday, July 7, 2012

Amarillo Adventures

Well, we didn't make it out on the 4th of July to explore the local Fair on the Square, or to watch fireworks. The stomach bug hit our house hard, so we stayed home and I watched the fireworks from my little yard (if you want to call it that). To be honest, 4th of July might be one of my least favorite holidays. Not because I dislike it or am unpatriotic, but simply because it was never a focus of celebration in our family. We're a Christmas and birthdays kind of family. And it's way to hot in Texas to celebrate something in the middle of the summer. Truth.

My mom always told me that she things my method of "escapism" when I'm unhappy with life or going through something is to sleep. She's probably right. When I'm upset I find myself sleeping much more than I normally do, and when I'm happy and excited about life I could function on a couple hours. So on this beautiful Amarillo Saturday, I woke up early, packed up my computer, bible, Ragamuffin Gospel, and came the one of the local coffee shops to just be. I didn't realize until I got here that this is what I need to be doing to normalize life in a new place. It feels more like home now than it has since I moved here, and after taking time to just be here and read and spend time in the presence of God, I'm so at peace after an anxiety filled week.

Most of the time the answers and solutions are right in front of my face.

So today I'm relaxing in the coffee shop and running errands. I'm finding the post office, I'm going grocery shopping, and I'm baking cookies this afternoon because I befriended the two only other women on my "team" in the company, and we decided we're going to do fun stuff. Like bake cookies and cupcakes and have fun days.

I'm getting there. :)

Tuesday, July 3, 2012

Time to get kickin'.

It's been a long time, so this post is split up into 2 sections. Updates, and my thoughts for the day. 


Life updates:
             On Sunday I came home from a weekend in Kentucky. I went home to be in my beautiful friend Angela's wedding. It was so good. I was able to fly in a day early and spend time with my family- which was amazing. Shopping with my mama, time in the sun with the little ones, lunch with my sister and parents, dinner with my brothers and sister-in-law, and Suits with the twins. Oh, we squeezed everyone in in that too-short day. The rest of the weekend was spent with the most beautiful bride, celebrating with one of the strongest couples I know. I am so blessed to have been part of such a special day. 
            On a work note, after being in the office for a couple weeks, it's time to hit the road again! On my own this time! I've graduated to touring cafes alone. Time to buck up and own my position. Next week I'm in Louisiana (training a cafe manager and store manager!), the next week I'm in Arkansas/Kansas/Oklahoma, and the next week I think I'm in Arizona (which I'm not exactly "excited" about. I can do without 118 degree weather, thanks). And then I'm back in the office for a couple weeks. I like having a schedule. It makes me feel more organized. 
            My husband is way too good to me. I'm spoiled rotten, and let me tell you, I act like it sometimes. Ryan made my birthday in Texas so great. There were presents, dinners, and movie nights. There was also a new car, though he swears that wasn't part of my birthday. It just happened to fall at the same time. And it's awesome. I never thought I was a car person, but it only took me an hour to become extremely attached. It's awesome
I have more fun with my siblings than I do most people. I can honestly say, along with my husband, they are my best friends. 








She's just gorgeous. I had so much fun being part of her special day. 




Isn't it pretty? It's the first car I've ever had that felt like it "fit" me. I'm in love. 


























Thoughts for the day:
            I think I will always hear my papa's voice in my head saying "it hurts to be stretched". This week I realized that while it may hurt to be stretched, that's no excuse for reacting poorly.
           I've been whiny since we moved to Amarillo. I've been whiny, grumpy, tired, and lazy. At work and at home. I haven't shown love and patience at home or at work. I've been hard on myself with a new job, constantly expecting perfection, hard on my new work environment, expecting everyone to read my mind and know when I'm struggling with something or have questions I don't want to ask, and hard on my husband when I come home- expecting him to know exactly what I need when I walk in in such a bad mood from working myself up all day at work. While there may be a grace period after moving away from everything you know, I guarantee that grace period is not 8 weeks long. Nor should it be. Today someone at work asked me how it was going and how the new job was, and I didn't realize the negativity in my voice until she questioned my answer. "Pretty good". It wasn't full of my normal excitement and joy, my gung-ho attitude that helped me get this amazing job in the first place. Just a little halfhearted happiness while I let a day of challenging tasks get to me. That's not how I feel. I love my new job- I adore working in the office and getting to work with all the cafes. Focusing on just the cafes after 8 months of working with the whole store is like freedom to me. I have the freedom to train, to streamline processes, and to learn more about people. Sure there are a couple aspects of the job that I don't love (Excel? seriously, could Microsoft make a more confusing program? I know, I know, it's easy for most people), but since when do I let that outweigh the things I love? 
          Well, no more. Now that the epiphany has come, I couldn't keep on even if I wanted to. I don't want to be that kind of example as I'm settling in here. It's time to get up off the dirt. We moved. We're here. Hiding in our apartment won't magically transport us back to Kentucky. It's time to get out into the city and discover things. It's time to make friends and make a life here. It's time to move on. 
         I give you permission if you're reading this to keep asking me if I've made friends yet. If I've learned something new about Amarillo. If I've found my favorite spots in the city yet. Do it. 

Sunday, June 10, 2012

Travel weary and heart aching...

Well, after spending a week on planes and in cars traveling the state of Montana, followed by a day of sleeping 15 hours, I'm packing again. But just for a 3 day drive trip! Thank goodness. Monday morning we leave for OKC. I'll be spending a couple days in Stillwater and Norman while my colleagues are in meetings in the city. Being the workaholics that we are (even though the other two are guys, so I feel like they should have been aware of this), we totally blanked on the fact that since OKC Thunder is in the playoffs or whatever, there are no hotels available in the city, and I'm sure traffic will be horrendous. Yay! But I kind of wish we had tickets...

I thought I was doing well with the move, but it's been increasingly hard lately. My husband, who I haven't seen in 3- count them: THREE- weeks, was supposed to be flying home today, but now won't be here until Wednesday. So I may have had a mini breakdown yesterday in the midst of a travel exhausted craze about missing my family and my husband. My birthday is in two weeks and I don't know anyone here, and because I'm presenting during a week long training conference ON my birthday, I don't get to fly in early to spend time with my family before my wonderful friend's wedding. And did I mention I haven't seen my husband in 3 weeks? It's not that bad when I'm traveling, because we both know we wouldn't have seen each other anyways, and we have a good rhythm down with my new road warrior position, but the weekends are so much harder than I thought they would be. Heartbreaking hard.

Aside from missing my family, I'm struggling to deal with the slightly accusatory judgement that comes from people when they learn that we moved to Texas for my job, and that my job is so travel heavy. We don't have kids yet (and don't plan to have kids for quite a while), we knew the job was going to be travel intensive for the first 6-12 months, and we talked about this possible job offer for 6 months before it came. We made the decision together, as a team, but when people ask about it I can't help but feel like everyone thinks I'm a terrible wife. And I come from an amazing family where the men had the careers before the women, and that's not how it's happening for our family, so I don't know how to handle that. Half of my friends are so supportive of it and excited for both of us, and the other half just don't seem to understand why I'm not the one staying home while Ryan works. I've never considered myself any type of feminist (not that that is bad), and I certainly never pictured myself being a career woman, but I like it. And we're finding our fit in all this. I'm sure I'll learn how to handle everyone's different opinions, and I know I'll learn to be less sensitive because I know most people probably just want to know that our marriage is strong and healthy in the midst of all this change, but right now, rolled up with the struggles of being somewhere new, it's just hard.

I love my new job, and I'm so grateful for the opportunity, but right now I'm so anxious to have my husband back, find my place in this community, and make it home. I know it will come, I'm just being impatient.

Wisdom teeth update: I've come to the conclusion (with my extensive knowledge of dentistry) that my wisdom tooth that came in is in fact impacted, but is only impacted in soft tissue, rather than bone (thank you, Jesus). It still hurts like hell, but I keep reminding myself that it could hurt worse. 3 weeks and counting until I can go get them removed. Until then, Oragel and ibuprofen are my best friends.

So that's my Amarillo update for this week. My heart is aching a little, but I know we'll feel settled eventually.

Saturday, June 2, 2012

Updates...

I really thought I would be better about updating since we moved, but that has obviously not been the case. Here's a list of things that have happened since I last wrote:

- My second week in, we traveled around west Texas. Lubbock, San Angelo, and Abilene are definitely not the prettiest part of Texas. :) But I had a great time. It was good to be back in the stores and working with associates, even if they weren't my favorite baristas. So far everyone has been really great to work with in the field, so I'm feeling great about operations!

-I spent Memorial weekend with my Aunt Beth in Keller! Ryan had to go back to Kentucky for a wedding and then his upcoming guy golf trip, so I made a little trip down for a fun girls weekend. It was fantastic. Just the family fix I needed, and we were able to spend the whole weekend in the pool and watching Game of Thrones. :) I was one happy girl. I also learned how to play poker (and made 4th place in my first game. whoop!), and got to go to my aunt's awesome church on Sunday. It was a perfect weekend.

-This past week was ca-razy. We weren't in the office on Monday, obviously, which meant more work on Tuesday. No big deal. But it was also the week of board meetings, and the entire company's vendors were in town for our annual vendor award dinner and scholarship golf tournament. So not only did I participate in my first board meeting, but I also go to meet my amazing vendors and hang out with them all day on Thursday. It sounds like it was a light week, but it was extremely overwhelming. So, so fun, but overwhelming.

-This coming week! I'm going to MONTANA! Yay! So excited!! In the office on Monday, fly out Monday night, tour stores in gorgeous Montana all week, fly home Friday morning, and probably go back into the office. Cannot wait.

Life in Amarillo: There hasn't really been time to make it "home" yet. Ryan had to go back so soon after we got here that we haven't been able to have dates and explore the city much. I've gotten lost a few times and gotten myself back on track, so that's been helpful. Tomorrow I'm being brave and trying a new church on my own, so hopefully that goes well! This week I'll be gone again, so no real time to explore, but I'm making friends and work and feel at peace about where we are. It's still rough to know that I'm missing things at home, like Stella's 1st birthday, or alone here for what used to be a big deal, like preparation for my birthday. But I'll be going back soon enough, even if it is only for a couple days.

Also, does anyone have any pain relieving remedies for adult-teething? One of my wisdom teeth is half in, and my mouth and jaw hurt so bad that I can't eat anything, and the stiffness makes it hurt to talk. Two things I'm not okay with.


Saturday, May 19, 2012

One Week In.

We've officially be in Amarillo for a week, and I suppose that means that we should have a feel for the city...but we don't. It was a week full of work, upacking, and tying up loose ends between KY and TX. We are exhausted, overwhelmed, missing home, and excited to be here.

Work this week was great. Working in the office completely different than working in the store. The most noticeable difference? It's so quiet. It's just soooo quiet. I'm used to customers being everywhere, and associates running around and yelling, and let's be honest, my normal self is not the quietest person around. So far, that's been the hardest adjustment. Fun things about work? I love the people I have meetings with. Other than "cafe people" (and there's only 2 of us) there are two people from other departments who are tied to cafe, and they're fun. I also have a nifty picture/name badge that you swipe to let you in doors, and I still have to try to keep a straight face when I do it. It's fun. My cube is becoming more like me, but I still need to go shopping for things to decorate it so it isn't so bland. I can't work my desk phone. The voicemail locked me out, so any time I want to check it I have to wait for it to send an audio clip to my email, but my computer won't let me listen to it, so then I have to check the email on my Blackberry and listen to the voicemail. Which so far has never been for me. I also haven't figured out how to work anything on my Blackberry except answering calls and checking email. But I'm kind of okay with that.   Next week we start traveling, so I'll be learning more of what my everyday life will be like. For instance, my next 5 weeks:
Week 1: Traveling the middle Texas cafes.
Week 2: Memorial Day (so short week), vendor meetings, company golf tournament.
Week 3: Traveling Montana
Week 4: A couple office days, then traveling Oklahoma cafes.
Week 5: Travel Tennessee cafes, home for a wedding.

Whoa. But I'll adjust to it. And I'm excited to travel, once I get used to flying and airports.

As far as non-work life goes, we're already sick of church shopping and are ready to have a home and make friends. Then we'll be able to make this really feel like home.

Monday, April 23, 2012

Amarillo, here we come.

In case you haven't heard, we're moving!

Update on the past couple months:
I've been offered a job at Hastings' corporate office in Amarillo, Texas, as the Hardback Coffee Cafe Coordinator. I'm in charge of operations in all 72 (soon to be 73) cafes. :) Which means! I'll be working on the administrative side in the office, following up with regional and district managers to ensure everyone is following policy with their cafes, and actually traveling throughout the country to work with specific cafes. I'm SO excited. And terrified. It's a pretty big job, and I'm moving away from my whole work support system. Thank goodness for phones and email. And I'll make friends in the office...and get used to working in an office...it's just going to be a big transition. And an exciting one. Today is especially exciting because we officially have  a place to live once we get there, which makes it so much less stressful. It's very important to have a place to live.

So, two weeks and counting! All that stands between us and Amarillo is dead week, finals, and a cross-country trip!